In January 2016, Leah Tioxon and her family came to stay for about five weeks. Leah is a spiritual and holistic practitioner and among other things, a reader of tarot. Throughout her time here, she read for me many times, as well as read for the people around me — my mother, Lahi, Lyndsey, others. And the messages that came through the cards were very clear.
- All the people around me are magic.
-I know. I chose these people to be around me, in part, for this reason. Or, the universe chose to keep these people around me for this reason. One or the other.
- It was time for me to accept the magic in me. The Magician. The Priestess. It was time to let go of what has previously stopped me from becoming.
-Uh. But. What does that mean? What do they want? I… I’m scared. I don’t accept jobs unless I know the job description and can ensure I am happy with the salary and benefits package.
And so, the message was very clear and yet, unclear at the same time. It was time for me to come into my “calling,” but I didn’t know what that calling was. And that scared the shit out of me. The controlling part of me was stuck on wanting to understand and know the intent of the universe’s use of me. I was so stuck — and as I write this, I still struggle with this very thing. Constantly. But that’s not the point of this chapter.
Leah framed things differently for me, as she shared more about her own experiences becoming. She said that she sets rules when she does her work. That she has control, to a point, in her interactions with the gods and goddesses and spirits and thingies, via these rules. That while I am right to be cautious, I don’t need to be afraid.
And with that, one day when I was driving to work, I decided that I would do it. I would accept the gifts that universe was giving me. And I would try my best to deliver on the tasks the world set before me. But with that, I also set four rules around which I base my interactions with the universe.
- When I am ready to connect, only one being may communicate with me at any one time.
- The being that communicates with me must give to me their real name.
- Any messages or requests given to me must be supported by three signs (hopefully, ones that I can suss out).
- Any quests or tasks given to me must be within my moral boundaries.
As I completed this verbalized acceptance of my spiritual journey while driving to work, the clouds in the sky parted and a ray sunlight burst forth and shone upon my car.
And that was it. Little did I know that that was the easy part.
Originally written on June 11, 2017
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